I’m so tired but I’m afraid of what my dreams will be tonight.. I’m not ready to replay this over and over, or even have dreams like I used to, where you’re mine.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve always known what I wanted, even though I’ve been trying to get over you for months. I kept hoping it might turn out in a way that’s best for everyone. I was wrong once again. How is this best for you, or her, or me, or anyone? I don’t want to give up on you. I want to spend all my time with you. I want to tell you I love and miss you out loud on the phone when people are around. I want you to visit me next year and sleep in my bed. Anytime I talk to you or am around you, you feel like an extension of myself, but better. I don’t know how to move on. I’ve tried and tried. I’ve been setting myself up for this but it still hurts more than imaginable. I won’t tell her the things we’ve done behind her back, but I think she deserves to know. If she did that to you would you want to live in the lie that everything was fine? You know it hurts for me to see you two together, but you don’t understand how much. Maybe I can deal with this tomorrow. Maybe I won’t be able to be around you anymore. That hurts more than anything. It scares me.